How to Recognize your King: If you are a Queen looking for your King it’s worth the full read!

 
The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently it just loves to love! Therefore you have to point it in the right direction: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23).
Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage.
Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship and then marriage.
Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together.
Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively – it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your life together after marriage.
But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather these facts:
1. Check out the fabric.
Is the person mate material? Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the same family – the family of God?
You need to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same spiritual diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues.
Scripture says: “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22).
You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together.
Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be married and your dreamboat isn’t interested, don’t waste your time. Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he’s not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he’s not going in your direction, get off the bus and wait for the right one.
Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he’s not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he’s not going in your direction, get off the bus and wait for the right one.
2. Does this man want you?
Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue you, and God’s hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends.
Scripture says: “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22).Note – who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has transported men and women across the world in order to put them together.
At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you. In God’s perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam has no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib.
You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don’t have to help a guy out
because he’s shy!  Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand.
If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested.
Many a woman’s mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it: “We love him because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). Until then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don’t need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself.
You need only one man – your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me; the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So trust God’s timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found. Again – WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you – this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.
3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart.
A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable lover for you.
4. Check out his buddies.
Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man and his friends. A man’s pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven’t seen yet. They reveal things about the guy’s character that might be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Don’t stay focused on the foot; check out the rest of the body!
Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand.
5. Check out his relationship with his mother.
How does he treat her? This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don’t like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.
6. Remember that a man’s family reveals the cloth from which he’s cut.
Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your life to look like his present family situation.
7. Check out the patterns of his life.
Do you see repeated cycles of drama in his personal kingdom? Are there broken relationships? Does he have problems in making commitments – including the job market? Mood swings? Is a problem always someone else’s fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk  it? Does he keep his promises?  Is he a man of good reputation? Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some begin to unravel.
Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff.
8. Does this man have a vision for his life?
Is he running with that vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn’t need help until he is busy doing what he was created and called to do. Is the man in your life guided by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person – and you’ll be miserable too if you know where YOU want to go in life.
A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever.
Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates you with. You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader of his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.
Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for what they truly desired. The truth of the matter is everyone knows that anything worth having, costs and no one gets a ride in this life for free.
9. Complimentary.
Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his gifts, compliment yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you co-ordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way?
This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotional or physically? Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the
process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are? The man in your life should consider you a rare find, a priceless jewel – because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable or that you have to work for love, is too expensive!
God has called the man to cover, protect and provide not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.
10. Does he have a healthy love and acceptance of himself?
Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself. How he cares for himself is how he will care for you. A man’s relationship with God is crucial here. His love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher. That is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ.
If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to God, the relationship is too expensive.
Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run. If you and your man can’t soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love for one another is tested by the pull of gravity of the world, your union will not be able to survive.
So you decide. How much is your life worth? How much is your love worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect less from a mortal man? Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for what they truly desired. The truth of the matter is everyone knows that anything worth having, costs and no one gets a ride in this life for free.

10 Ways to Love and Take Care of Yourself during the Holidays! <3

” Learning to you Love yourself is the best gift you will get this year” !

 

While the holidays are advertised to bring us cheer, joy, and gifts, what many of us also end up with is a rack full of stress, guilt, and debt. Why? Because we listen to the negative voices in our head telling us to buy more, eat more, visit more and do more – when we are already stretched for time, money, and energy.

These self-sabotaging voices are the voices of your inner mean girls and inner bullies. Some call them the “inner critic,” but they are way more personal than that! They are like the Grinch who stole Christmas. They too will steal the joy, peace, and happiness from your holidays!

You have to be smarter than these inner Grinches and take back your power this holiday season so you can really soak in the joy, connection, and celebration you deserve. The following are 10 ways you can outsmart your inner mean girl or inner bully. For more secrets to holiday happiness, get a download of a free “holiday rescue” call at http://www.innermeangirl.com.

1. Stop Worrying About What Others Think You can’t be responsible for how everyone around you feels about how you live your life, so stop worrying about how your family, partner and friends will react to your choices and start getting real about how you feel about your life. Ask yourself, “How do I feel about …” Give yourself permission to put yourself first.

2. Do Things Because You Want To Throw away the big O, Obligation. Give up the gnarly G, Guilt. Make a commitment to do what you want this holiday season, even if that means you don’t do what other people want or expect of you. If you do choose to do something you aren’t so jazzed about, challenge yourself to do it from a place of love. Ask, “What is it about this action that does matter to me?” and act from that place. It’s all about the attitude. You can choose to be a martyr and a victim, or you can choose to be happy.

3. Give Up The Image We all construct images of who we think we are and who we want the world to see, and then attempt to live up to them. Don’t try to live up to other people’s expectations, or for that matter, your unrealistic expectations either. If you’re low on cash this year, be okay with that. If you aren’t feeling super happy, don’t put on a fake smile. Don’t try to impress your guy’s family or friends or fit into what everyone else is doing. Be yourself, exactly where you are right now.

4. Boldly Express Your Unique Spin On The Holidays
Want a Christmas wreath instead of a tree? Prefer Chinese food instead of a turkey? Celebrate Solstice instead of Christmas, but love to light candles at Chanukah? Like sending New Years cards and gifts vs. holiday cards? Tradition isn’t always better, and it certainly doesn’t always make you happy. Be bold enough to express the way you choose to interpret the holidays.

5. Know What Makes You Happy Stop trying to fit into the expectations and ideals that outside forces – society, family, work, friends – have said you should be in order to be successful, happy, and accepted this holiday and ask one really simple question, “What really makes ME happy?” Think about the times that you’ve been happiest during the holidays. Who were you being? What did you have? What were you doing? Do the same for your most unhappy times. Compare the two to your life today and notice the gaps.

6. Pay Attention To Your Emotions
We all have emotional triggers, things that set us off or that evoke an overly strong reaction, and the holidays are prime time for them to come up. Pay attention to situations that make you spin, get your mad factor going or that send you into a pool of suffering. Be the boss of your emotions by having and taking responsibility for them, and don’t let them drive your life. Happiness is a choice (yes, even when a relative is driving you crazy.) Put yourself in situations that create happiness and remove yourself from conversations and experiences that don’t.

7. Act On What You Know Will Make You Happy, Even If It’s Hard
Putting your happiness first isn’t always easy. It often requires going against what everyone else is doing or thinking. If you aren’t true to what feels right for you (even if it doesn’t fit the needs and sensibilities of other people) aren’t you just selling yourself out? You always know what the best action is to take for you, it’s just not always easy. Be committed to your happiness, even when it’s scary, and even when other people don’t like it.

8. Have An Opinion And Express It If you don’t like the way things are going – like the plans your family is making or the way the holidays have created stress in the past – speak up. Know what you believe and don’t be afraid to express it. Happy people have convictions that come from inside their souls, minds, and hearts. They know their truth and are willing to stand in it, even when what they have to say makes others uncomfortable. Know your truth deserves to be heard, just because you’re you.

9. Let Others See You. Be Vulnerable.
Share your most real self with the people around you – family, friends, and colleagues – and let them see all of you. The strong, the weak, the self-assured, the self-doubter, the funny, and the serious. Have and show your emotions fully, from sadness, to happiness, to anger, and joy. When you keep the full range of you hidden, no one can know who you truly are, and that creates unhappiness. While it may feel scary to be vulnerable, you’ll find that the more you show the real you, the more others will be willing to share their authentic self too, and the more connected and happy you’ll be.

10. Don’t Compare Yourself.
One of the fastest ways to rob yourself of your joy is to compare yourself to someone else, or to who you think you should be. Put yourself on a comparison diet over the holidays. Every time you find yourself thinking or saying a comparison, stop, change the channel in your head, and say something that you are grateful for in your life or something that you love about yourself. Ask your friends to do the comparison diet with you. You’ll all be happier.

Why You SHOULD Love Recklessly

“LOVE IS FINDING THE ABILITY TO FORGIVE THOSE WHO HAVE DONE YOU WRONG IN SOMEWAY…ITS NOT HARD TO HOLD A GRUDGE AND NOT CARE ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE’S FEELINGS…ITS MUCH MORE DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WERE DONE WRONG AND WHY SOMEONE HAS TREATED YOU IN AN UNFORGIVABLE WAY…LOVE IS A ACTION NOT A NOUN…IT REQUIRES YOU TO DO SOMETHING MUCH MORE THAN SAYING THE WORD…YOU SHOW YOUR LOVE NOT PROFESS YOUR LOVE AND IT WILL BE TAKEN MORE SERIOUSLY…IF YOU LOVE YOU CAN FORGIVE AND IF THEY LOVE THEY WILL NEVER FORGET”

When I first read the book “He’s Just Not That Into You” by Greg Behrendt one of the statements he made that stuck out to me (and with me) was his claim that “you are not the exception”. The logic is that men generally behave in a predictable way and as much as we women like to make excuses, we should save ourselves the heartache and assume that if a man isn’t behaving in certain ways that he just isn’t into us. I think Greg is really onto something here and if you haven’t read this book, I highly recommend it.

 

BUT I also think that this “I am not the exception” kind of thinking has some drawbacks. Women (ok, maybe just me) have used this logic as an impenetrable defense against letting someone in who just *might* be into us. I wonder how many women have hidden their hearts behind the idea that it is better to be safe than it is to be heartbroken? I wonder how many times women have sabotaged a potential chance at loving in the interests of “not getting hurt”?

Notice I didn’t say a chance at being loved but rather at loving someone else. What if we have this love thing all wrong and it’s not really about what you can get but what you can give to someone else? What if the love lesson is nothing more than expanding your limits, learning to love without expectation or demand and getting out of your safe zone?

As I’ve pondered this, I have recognized my own tendency to take calculated risks. I don’t gamble and I generally only take safe bets; bets where I either know I’ll win or I’m not wagering enough to matter. I mean, sure it’s brave to skydive or bungee jump but with all the safety controls in place, it’s really not that risky. True risk is when we’re not sure of the outcome and we jump anyway.

I don’t believe in being foolish but I do believe that there are some risks that are worth taking. Anytime we open our hearts to another individual, we are opening ourselves to the possibility of being hurt, heartbroken or disappointed. In fact, chances are that no matter how perfect our partner may be, we will be all those things anyway (hello, humanity!). The question for each of us to answer on our own is whether the ride is worth the fall. If you can learn to look at every situation, circumstance and person who comes into your life as having something vital to teach you, I believe it can be.

So maybe you get heartbroken in the end. But maybe along the way you learn some things about yourself: maybe you learn that you can love deeper than you thought possible. Maybe you learn that you can face adversity in a new way. Maybe you learn that love can bring out vibrancy in your life you didn’t know before.

I think maybe CS Lewis said it best when he said, “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

I’m not encouraging anyone to play Russian roulette with your heart & emotions because maybe Greg Behrendt was right & none of us are the exception. What I want you to do is look at the possibilities before you and examine whether you can gain more from the experience than you stand to lose. Close your eyes & listen to your heart…Be vulnerable. Be open. Be courageous. Love recklessly.

7 Romantic Winter Date Ideas

 

 

As the seasons change, so do your date options. Since the days of playful picnics or long walks on the beach are behind us, it’s time to find ways to get romantic with your man when the weather outside is frightful. Whether you go see a play, visit a museum, or just go out for drinks, there are lots of ways to enjoy a date night out (or in) during the Winter months. Here some cold-weather date ideas to get you started!

  • Coffee at a Cafe: It seems as though coffee dates have gone extinct, but spending time in a warm cafe when it’s cold outside is a perfect way to get to know someone. Skip the to-go cup and talk the afternoon away while watching the window fog up!
  • Cook Dinner Together: Cooking at home is not only easier on the bank account than going out, but it gives you a chance to do something together, as a couple. Set the mood with a little music, some candles, a nice bottle of wine, and enjoy a quiet night at home.
  • Play a Board Game: Dust off your old board games and have a game night. Wake up your competitive side and if you’re feeling extra feisty, suggest a round of strip poker!
  • Go Ice Skating: Even if you don’t live by Rockefeller Plaza, I’ll bet there’s an ice skating rink near by. Embrace the season and bring out the kid in each other.
  • Go to a Sporting Event: Most professional Winter sports have enclosed venues so can catch a basketball, hockey, or football game – I’m sure your date would love the idea!
  • Go to a Book Reading: Go to a book reading at your local bookstore or cafe. You’ll be entertained and have plenty of things to talk about on your way home.
  • Build a Snowman: If you feel like braving the cold, build a snowman together. There’s no better way to enjoy the elements of Winter!

 

The Official Return of the Gentleman’s Club

Many people often ask me why I’m still single , and I  always give the answer because I am looking for a Man that is as good as or BETTER than my daddy.  Of course I always get that ” are you crazy” look from most of all the low standard guys of today , when I tell them I am old fashion and I am looking for an gentleman

( a word that is RARELY used in today’s society )

So when I stumbled across this comprehensive list of qualities that describe what it means to be a gentleman, I couldn’t help but feel lucky that I can finally show guys today what they didn’t learn at home:)

Our reality is a far departure from how some dudes view being a gentleman. For some reason or another, there exist this societal subculture that deems it uncool or borderline soft to be a gentleman.

I respect a man that has the confidence to understand that they dont have to be someone that they arent just to fit in:


They aren’t going to call you a bitch, even while joking…
They aren’t going to puff their chest or preen like a peacock to prove that they are the man…
They aren’t  going to oversell who they are, and who they know
And  most importantly they aren’t  going to set aside what their  parents taught them just to impress a woman…

Part of me sincerely believes that there is a gentleman inside of everyman . It’s the side of us that makes them instinctively want to protect their  female loved ones. Somewhere along the line though, that part of most men was cast aside because the word leaked out that “women like bad boys.”

Now look where it’s gotten us?

So to all the men out there It’s time to get back to the gentleman’s agenda …

9 Dangerous Words Said by Women


1) Fine

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2) Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3) Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4) Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

5) Loud Sigh
This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6) That’s Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7) Thanks
A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ . that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

8 ) Whatever
Is a woman’s way of saying F– YOU!

9) Don’t worry about it, I got it
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to #3.

Love Lessons From Bob Marley

Over the past few years, I’ve attempted to accurately define the true meaning of love. And while I’ve gotten close to nailing it a time or two, I don’t think I’ve ever completely hit a homerun with my prose. I occasionally kick myself for what I perceived to be literary shortcomings…

But then I read the words of Bob Marley. I instantly realized that God wasn’t giving me the perfect words, because they were already given to Marley. Check out his words below, and tell me if you agree on the magnificence of this expression.

________________________________

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.
– Bob Marley